Southernese

Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a
conniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them
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Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens,
peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess."
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Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction
of "yonder."
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Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly"
is, ... as in: "Going to town, be back directly"
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Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for
the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl
in the middle of the table.
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All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is.
They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.
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Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace
for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a
big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real
crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin!
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Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near"
and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can
be 1 mile or 20.
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No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing
turn signal is actually going to make a turn.
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A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an
adverb.
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Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, ... and when
we're "in line," ... we talk to everybody!
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Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're
related, even if only by marriage.
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In the South, y'all is singular, .... all y'all is plural.
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Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.
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Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee
are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and
that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
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When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know
you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!
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Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea
indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea
unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.
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And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old
ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say,"Bless her heart"
... and go your own way.
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To those of you who are still a little embarrassed
by your Southerness:
Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the
morning. Bless your heart!
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And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all
this Southern stuff, ... bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to
have classes on Southernness as a second language!
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And for those that are not from the South but have lived here for a
long time, all y'all need a sign to hang on y'alls front porch that
reads "I ain't from the South, but I got here as fast as I could."