WHAT MEN REALLY MEAN

"I'm going fishing."
Really means..."I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."
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"It's a guy thing."
Really means...."There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."
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"I can't find it."
Really means...."It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."
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"Uh huh," "Sure, honey," or "Yes, dear."
Really means....Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.
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"It would take too long to explain."
Really means..."I have no idea how it works.
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"I was listening to you. It's just that I have things on my mind."
Really means..."I was wondering if that redhead over there is wearing a bra."
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"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."
Really means..."I can't hear the football over the vacuum cleaner."
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"That's interesting, dear."
Really means... "Are you still talking?"
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"It's a really good movie."
Really means..."It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and beautiful women."
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"That's women's work."
Really means..."I'm difficult, dirty, and thankless."
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"You know how bad my memory is."
Really means...."I remember the theme song to 'MASH', the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the number plate of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."
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"Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal."
Really means...."I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt."
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"Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing."
Really means...."And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."
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"What did I do this time?"
Really means...."What did you catch me at?"
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"You know I could never love anyone else."
Really means...."I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."
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"You look terrific."
Really means...."Oh, God, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving."
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"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are."
Really means...."No one will ever see us alive again."
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"We share the housework."
Really means...."I make the messes, she cleans them up."