My Manager Says

A magazine was looking for people to submit quotes from their
real-life managers. Here are some of the submissions:

As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building
using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday
and employees will receive their cards in two weeks. (This was the
winning quote from Fred Dales at Microsoft Corp in Redmond, WA.)

What I need is a list of specific unknown problems we will encounter.
(Lykes Lines Shipping)

E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be
used only for company business. (Accounting manager, Electric Boat
Company)

This project is so important, we can't let things that are more
important interfere with it. (Advertising/Marketing manager, United
Parcel Service)

Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule. No one will
believe you solved this problem in one day. We've been working on it
for months. Now, go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know
when it's time to tell them. (R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and
Manufacturing/3M Corp.)

Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say. (Marketing executive,
Citrix Corporation)

This memo is to inform you that a memo will be issued today regarding
the subject mentioned above." (Microsoft, Legal Affairs Division)

One day my Boss asked for a status report concerning a project I was
working on. I asked him if tomorrow would be soon enough. He said "If
I wanted it tomorrow, I would have waited until tomorrow to ask for
it!" (New business manager, Hallmark Greeting Cards.)