Murphy's Cops Laws
* Bullet Proof vests aren't.
* The bigger they are, the harder they fall. They punch, kick and choke harder too.
* The speed at which you respond to a fight call is inversely proportional to how long you've been a cop.
* Tear gas works on cops too, and regardless of wind direction, will always blow back in your face.
* High speed chases will always proceed from an area of light traffic to an area of extremely heavy traffic.
* If you know someone who tortures animals and wets the bed, he is either a serial killer or he works for Internal Affairs.
* Placing a gun back in a shoulder holster with your finger on the trigger will cause you to walk with a limp.
* Flash suppressors don't really.
* If you have `cleared' all the rooms and met no resistance, you and your entry team have probably kicked in the door of the wrong house.
* If a cop swings a baton in a fight, he will hit other cops more often than he will hit the bad guys he swings at.
* Domestic arguments will always migrate from an area of few available weapons (living room), to an area with many available weapons (kitchen).
* If you have just punched out a handcuffed prisoner for spitting at you, you are about to become a star on `Eyewitness News'.
* Bullets work on veteran cops too. They also work on weight lifters, martial arts experts, department marksmen, Narco Investigators, S.W.A.T. jocks, and others who consider themselves immortal.
* When a civilian sees a red light approaching at a high rate of speed, he will always pull into the lane the cop needs to use.
* If you drive your patrol car to the geometric center of the Gobi Desert, within five minutes some dumb civilian will pull along side you and ask for directions.
* You can never drive slow enough to please the citizens who don't need a cop, and you can never drive fast enough to please the ones who do.
* Any suspect with a rifle is a better shot than any cop with a pistol.
* From behind you, the bad guys can see your night sights as well as you can.
* On any call, there will always be more `bad guys' than there are good guys, and the farther away your back-up, the more there will be.
* The longer you've been a cop, the shorter your flashlight and your temper gets.
* Whatever you are about to do, if there is a good chance it will get you killed, you probably shouldn't do it.
* You should never do a shotgun search of a dark warehouse with a cop whose nickname is "Boomer."
* The better you do your job, the more likely you are to be shot, injured, complained on, sued, investigated, or subpoenaed on your day off.
* If a large group of drunk bikers is "holed-up" in a house, the Department will send one officer in a beat car. If there is one biker "holed-up" in a house, they will send the entire S. W. A. T. Team.
* The likelihood that you are speaking to an undercover law enforcement officer, is directly proportional to the number of personal questions being asked of you.
* The bigger they are, the harder they fall. They punch, kick and choke harder too.
* The speed at which you respond to a fight call is inversely proportional to how long you've been a cop.
* Tear gas works on cops too, and regardless of wind direction, will always blow back in your face.
* High speed chases will always proceed from an area of light traffic to an area of extremely heavy traffic.
* If you know someone who tortures animals and wets the bed, he is either a serial killer or he works for Internal Affairs.
* Placing a gun back in a shoulder holster with your finger on the trigger will cause you to walk with a limp.
* Flash suppressors don't really.
* If you have `cleared' all the rooms and met no resistance, you and your entry team have probably kicked in the door of the wrong house.
* If a cop swings a baton in a fight, he will hit other cops more often than he will hit the bad guys he swings at.
* Domestic arguments will always migrate from an area of few available weapons (living room), to an area with many available weapons (kitchen).
* If you have just punched out a handcuffed prisoner for spitting at you, you are about to become a star on `Eyewitness News'.
* Bullets work on veteran cops too. They also work on weight lifters, martial arts experts, department marksmen, Narco Investigators, S.W.A.T. jocks, and others who consider themselves immortal.
* When a civilian sees a red light approaching at a high rate of speed, he will always pull into the lane the cop needs to use.
* If you drive your patrol car to the geometric center of the Gobi Desert, within five minutes some dumb civilian will pull along side you and ask for directions.
* You can never drive slow enough to please the citizens who don't need a cop, and you can never drive fast enough to please the ones who do.
* Any suspect with a rifle is a better shot than any cop with a pistol.
* From behind you, the bad guys can see your night sights as well as you can.
* On any call, there will always be more `bad guys' than there are good guys, and the farther away your back-up, the more there will be.
* The longer you've been a cop, the shorter your flashlight and your temper gets.
* Whatever you are about to do, if there is a good chance it will get you killed, you probably shouldn't do it.
* You should never do a shotgun search of a dark warehouse with a cop whose nickname is "Boomer."
* The better you do your job, the more likely you are to be shot, injured, complained on, sued, investigated, or subpoenaed on your day off.
* If a large group of drunk bikers is "holed-up" in a house, the Department will send one officer in a beat car. If there is one biker "holed-up" in a house, they will send the entire S. W. A. T. Team.
* The likelihood that you are speaking to an undercover law enforcement officer, is directly proportional to the number of personal questions being asked of you.
posted by D. Maria at 5:32 AM
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