Murphy's Military Police Laws

* Your brassard and your badge won't stop bullets.
* If it's stupid but works, it isn't stupid.
* Don't look conspicuous - it antagonizes officers.
* When in doubt, empty your shotgun.
* Never share a patrol car with anyone braver than you.
* Not wearing body armor attracts bullets and knives.
* If your response goes well, you're at the wrong barracks.
* Your Patrol Supervisor will show up when you're doing something really stupid.
* The time it takes to respond to an emergency is inversely proportional to the importance of the call.
* The warrant you don't read is the one you'll serve at the wrong quarters.
* No matter how you write it, the Desk Sergeant will want it changed.
* If you charge in all alone, you'll be shot by your own officers.
* The diversion you're ignoring is the actual crime.
* The important things are always simple.
* The simple things are always hard.
* The easy ways are always blocked.
* The short cuts are always under construction by the post engineers.
* Anything you do can get you in trouble - including doing nothing.
* When you've secured a crime scene, don't forget to tell the brass.
* Using the siren and light to clear traffic - attracts traffic.
* It only becomes a riot right after you show up.
* If you take out the newest patrol car, you'll have an accident.
* No street-wise unit ever passed inspection.
* No inspection-ready unit ever makes it on the streets.
* The thing you really need, will be left back at the MP Station.
* Radios will fail as soon as you need back-up desperately.
* Flashlight batteries always die out, just when you really need light.
* Military working dogs attack anything that moves - including you.
* The helicopter will always be low on fuel, as soon as you need it.
* You'll find the suspect you want, when you're off-duty and unarmed.
* If you respond to more than your fair share of calls, you'll have more than your fair share of calls to respond to.
* The suspect will escape, just before you set up a good perimeter.
* The dependent who screams loudly when you don't show up quickly, also screams loudly when you do.
* The weight of the dead body you'll have to carry is proportional to the amount of stairs you'll have to climb.
* Fatalities always occur at the end of shift - or when it rains and snows.
* Your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.
* Contrary to popular belief - general officers don't get tickets.
* You won't get called to a court martial - unless it's your day off.
* Take off your hat and the MP Duty Officer shows up.
* Empty guns - aren't.
* Your two minute "back-up" is always actually ten minutes away.
* The alley you sprint down, is the wrong alley.
* Tasting suspected drugs works - but only on TV or in the movies.
* Suspects always hide in the last place you look.
* Better to be judged by twelve, than carried by six.
* Professional criminals are predictable, but the world is full of amateurs.
* Admit nothing, deny everything, demand proof - then blame a Private.
* Don't stand, if you can sit - don't sit, if you can lay down - if you can lay down, you might as well take a nap.
* Contrary to popular belief, O.C. *IS* an area effect weapon.