10 Things Men should know about Women

1. We're way more vulgar than you. We just aren't as loud.

2. We don't really mind when you leave the toilet seat up. It's evidence that you didn't piss all over it.

3. We drink till you're cute too.

4. Whoever told you that we love spooning is wrong. You fall asleep immediately, and we're pinned under your heavy, sweaty limbs, trying desperately to break free before you start snoring. And yes, you will start snoring.

5. No, we don't want to listen to you play the Guns N' Roses song you just learned on your guitar (or drums or bass). We're not in college anymore. Sitting on your couch while you struggle through "November Rain" is painful. Have mercy.

6. "Your so smart" actually means, "Your so adorable when you try to act smart."

7. Sexy beats cute. Smart trumps sexy. Funny takes the pot.

8. When we say cool, really, wow and huh, we're not listening either.

9. We don't really expect you to like romantic comedies. We just make you watch them as payback for all the baseball games, Metallica concerts, and Super Bowl parties we sit through with you. And for the record, we, unlike you, have yet to fall asleep in the middle of any of them.

10. We never fake orgasms. Okay, once in a while we do. But only for the sake of expediency.