Telltale Signs You're a Drunkard

You believe that spilling a beer is alcohol abuse.

Beer ads make sense.

You wake up to the sound of your dog drinking out of the toilet and you're so dry that it sounds mighty thirst quenching.

You fall down a flight of steps and DON'T spill a drop of your beer.

You grow a beard because it stops beer that's running down your chin.

You explain to your bank manager that you spent your overdraft mainly on beer and women; "the rest I just wasted."

You spell Alcohol with a capital letter out of respect.