Telemarketer Responses
What to say to telemarketers who telephone during dinner or in the middle of a riveting TV show peddling sides of beef, bonds, aluminum siding, computer software or whatever:
1) The police photographer is still here, and the county medical examiner hasn't released the body to the coroner yet. Can you call back a little later?
2) You called at the right time, buster. I'll order carloads of whatever you got just to restore my credit rating. Those turkeys down at the bank go bananas over one little bounced check or two.
3) Well, you'll have to send the stuff to my new address. As of next Wednesday, it'll be: Care of the Warden, Maximum Security Wing, Attica Correction Facility, Attica, N.Y.
4) What's that you say? Speak up, please, will you? The battery has run down on my hearing aid. Louder, please, louder. Is that the best you can do? I'm afraid we're just not communicating.
5) I'm afraid you have the wrong number. This is a funeral home or what we like to call a counseling chapel for the bereaved. Visiting hours are from 2 to 5 and 7 to 10.
6) I'm gonna have to put you on hold. The baby is due any minute now. Quick someone, get some hot water - lots of it. Sorry, gotta hurry now, don't go away.
7) Oh, it's you again. I was hoping you'd call back. The better business people said I need more positive identification to file my complaint. Now first let me have your name and telephone number. Hello? Hello?
8) The number you have called is a working number like you wouldn't believe. Let me make you a counter-proposal. How about the company of one of our swinging little ladies for an evening? Our personalized dating service guarantees satisfaction, and we do take credit cards.
9) The furnace just conked out, there's a foot of water in the basement and I nearly broke my neck on the kid's skateboard getting to the phone. You wouldn't have a special on cyanide, would you?
10) Excuse me, this nice police officer, here, said that I should inform you that my phone is being tapped. Now, what kind of drugs did you say you were selling?
1) The police photographer is still here, and the county medical examiner hasn't released the body to the coroner yet. Can you call back a little later?
2) You called at the right time, buster. I'll order carloads of whatever you got just to restore my credit rating. Those turkeys down at the bank go bananas over one little bounced check or two.
3) Well, you'll have to send the stuff to my new address. As of next Wednesday, it'll be: Care of the Warden, Maximum Security Wing, Attica Correction Facility, Attica, N.Y.
4) What's that you say? Speak up, please, will you? The battery has run down on my hearing aid. Louder, please, louder. Is that the best you can do? I'm afraid we're just not communicating.
5) I'm afraid you have the wrong number. This is a funeral home or what we like to call a counseling chapel for the bereaved. Visiting hours are from 2 to 5 and 7 to 10.
6) I'm gonna have to put you on hold. The baby is due any minute now. Quick someone, get some hot water - lots of it. Sorry, gotta hurry now, don't go away.
7) Oh, it's you again. I was hoping you'd call back. The better business people said I need more positive identification to file my complaint. Now first let me have your name and telephone number. Hello? Hello?
8) The number you have called is a working number like you wouldn't believe. Let me make you a counter-proposal. How about the company of one of our swinging little ladies for an evening? Our personalized dating service guarantees satisfaction, and we do take credit cards.
9) The furnace just conked out, there's a foot of water in the basement and I nearly broke my neck on the kid's skateboard getting to the phone. You wouldn't have a special on cyanide, would you?
10) Excuse me, this nice police officer, here, said that I should inform you that my phone is being tapped. Now, what kind of drugs did you say you were selling?
posted by D. Maria at 4:23 PM
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