Police Report

When the report said (1),
It really meant (2)

(1) While on routine patrol...
(2) I was in the car because the coffee shop was
closed...

(1) The accident scene and the safety of the victims
prevented this officer from doing traffic control
(2) It was raining and it was cold...

(1) Knowing the suspect had a criminal history...
(2) I arrested him once for Public Intoxication...

(1) The informant is of known credibility and has
provided reliable information in the past...
(2) I've got two theft cases hanging over his head...

(1) While being arrested, this subject resisted, being
injured in the act...
(2) He ripped my shirt and broke my new Oakley
sunglasses...

(1) The motorist was cited for multiple traffic
violations...
(2) I wrote one citation for each cussword he used...

(1) The members of the press at the scene were offered
every courtesy within departmental policies...
(2) I sent then to a nonexistent address, which I
called the "Command Post."

(1) I gave the motorist a verbal warning for
speeding...
(2) She was a good-looking blonde who owned a liquor
store and who was free after my shift was over.

(1) Further interview of the witness was impossible,
due to conditions.
(2) It was my bowling night...

(1) The defendant asked this officer's advice on how
to act before the judge at his arraignment...
(2) I told him he didn't have the balls to call the
judge the same name he called me.